remembering..

remember the day we fell in love?
vowed to heaven and of the stars above
remember the day we sang the same song?
the rhythm of love we had for so long.

i remember you when i close my eyes and sleep
'coz the last time i checked you said me you'll keep
i remember you when i wake up each morning
'coz the last time i checked our days weren't raining.

do you remember me when you check your phone?
because i remember you when i sit down alone
do you remember me when you have your game?
because i remember you when were still out of flame.

well i remember us , with all that lust
those naughty nights we'd thought will last
i remember too, that day we touched
those moments that we haven't checked our watch.

so now all i can do is to remember
our moments from late May to December
remembering those days when were so clever
out of the blue, when were still together!


march 15, 2010 - Monday
9:53a.m.

untitled

every girl wants a beautiful happy ending. every girl aspires that perfect prince with a silver shining Volvo. every girl plans her perfect wedding dress. every girl wants a happy ending.

i was young; i had passions and life to me was magical. i was waiting for my destiny, letting fate come my way- que sera sera! i have my criteria's, dreams, aspirations for that perfect love story , oh how i long for it. so my every day was full of love, full of hope and full of life. i was constructing my own love story one day when he came; he was smart , he was cool, he was persistent. and that moment i knew he was what i was waiting for. he met my criteria you see and i didn't ask for more. hand in hand we built our mansion- our home. were in-love and we were happy. we vowed the words of everlasting love. we had our world-- our different realm.

but one day someone knocked our door and as we opened it, we saw that commotion was astray. we then realized that we were locked up in our castle that the reality we forgot. then someone, whom i didn't expect to come, came. and right then i knew that while i was busy doing mine.. and we were busy doing ours, i made a simple mistake; i wasn't her queen, but he was indeed my king. and as the truth came out, i just didn't know what to do, i wasn't given a clue. my magical world turned dark, my lively life turned dull. there's no such thing as fate, nothings meant and destiny's a lie and i can prove that!

i was young then but now am fully grown, right then i knew i would be someone else. undeniably, i know that i had cried for love... i begged for love... and i prayed for love. i was left alone with ache, sorrow and pain. but nevertheless i am thankful, because that pain was the only reminder of him, cause when he left, he took everything even my soul with him resulting me to live life soullessly. living life without any reasons why.

"it wasn't a happy ending" at last i said "nor a so-called love whatever".

march 3 2010- Saturday

1:45 p.m.

healing

okay now.... am out of words .. am out of thoughts... system isn't fixed.. coz aside from the exhausting work at the hospital.... i can't get rid of seeing you everyday... oh how i wish not to see you coz every time i am, you... you remind me and bring back that event when boy met girl but wasn't a love story...

oh how i wish to be blind .. so that i wont see any of the upcoming pain that you ;only you has the power to do so. that extraordinary ways of yours that changes me... you were dumb you idiot... you are a damn guy who don't want to lose me and her at the same time.. but hey don't worry am healing.. coz am seeing and finding your stupidity each day , and to tell you its turning me off.. so don't expect me anymore to praise you...any word of appreciation from me would be impossible 'coz after all-- yes we were the best! we were and not anymore.... not now... and will never be again forever!

so goodbye to you and to everything that i knew.... i'll be fixing my heart so soon , coz the moment that yo gave my heart to me again , you brought it wounded and torn... and am'a standing up too... after you had pull me down from your hell which i thought was heaven. just spare me ______________, it takes time to heal and at that certain moment that i am really over you!! i slap you not anymore with my bleeding heart.. but by this tough & rough heart which you personally molded.. thank you.......thank you=)

February 18, 2010 - Thursday

9:01 PM

because i am just a rebound love

it's been a month and 5 days since we said goodbyes.. it's been a month and 5 days of grieving .. and it's been a month and 5 days of wanting you back! i know you wont ever read this ( but am hoping you will) but i just wanted to tell you that am so thinking of you today.. yes, you-- isn't it funny that you have moved on so easily and i am left shuttered in here because am just a REBOUND love--yet you managed to let me feel that i was your one and only and the only princess on your castle.

i love you and i love you so much! and i want to shout it out loud that i love you still and i want you still.. i still want your sadistic actions, your being bossy, your being tight and your being jealous.. i still want it when we fight at phone almost every night and will end up singing that song of ours.. i still want it when you share your intelligence to my lacking wisdom even though i always end up being corrected by you. i still want it when you want me to change the way i laugh 'coz you said my laughter's are quite annoying. i still want it when you are insisting that my being oozy is irritating and you want me to eat roasted chicken and those street food you want. i still want it when you get jealous with my books and i envy with your PSP. i want it still when you want to see me wear nothing but your t-shirt on and i still want that kiss-- that feeling that we own each other and that you are mine and i am yours..

but because i was just a REBOUND love it was easy for you to give me up-- because you were distracted about the fact that the one i replaced( or did i?) showed up crying and hurting because of what we have become. she was never yours and you were never hers-- and at that moment i really wanted to let you know that "hey beb, you are mine".. we had our forever, weren't we?? but you felt cold..uttered no word..and i was left untold!

so foolishly i cried and prayed to die because when you came you revived this boring soul of mine and when you left, you took everything with you and left my soul wounded and since i don't want my soul to be with me without you anymore..you 'caused me so much pain and literally crashed and torn my life upside down . you broke every pieces of me but still i cried in silence in the corner of the world, quiet, because i love you and because i was just rebound love.

now am living life without having reason why, wandering around hoping i can at least forget you and banish you in my head---- why did i ever get to meet you when all i received was nothing but pain.. why didn't you try to defend me even if as your former little friend-- because it was too difficult to defend you while defending my self at the same time.

so it's been a month and 5 days to be exact.. you are okay now while am still having trouble sleeping.. a month and 5 days of an agonizing silence from both of us still i love you more than a month and 5 days because yes--- i am a rebound love!!!

February 16, 2010 - Tuesday

10:06 PM

behind the sweetest name

They say Love is everything, love is a feeling that once you’ve experience it you'll be at nirvana. when I asked my cousins why were they so happy, they answered me Love, when I asked my classmates what was the subject of their chatting, they answered me Love and when I asked my friend why was she crying she answered me the same word – LOVE.

If love is a sweet feeling, then why others cry or try to kill themselves because of this tremendous feeling? My friend told me once that she’s hurting too much by loving the person who’s not even interested on her, I told her to stop loving but she told me its hard, because we can’t choose for whom our heart will beat. My other friend then told me that he’s already off with his girlfriend but everytime he sees the girl is smiling; he then realized that he is still in love with her and can’t live life without her.

I mean, it’s not wrong to fall in love it’s normal but if you feel that it’s hurting you too much, LET Go. When love isn’t enough Give up and try to move on if the one you love is not interested with you anymore. Love a person with open eyes and open mind, its not a crime if you love, what makes it bad is when you come to a point of hurting yourself. Remember that our head is above our heart to reminding us that we shouldn’t let our heart rule over our head. Heart is the center of our body but it beats on the left, maybe just so maybe it’s the reason why heart is not always right. Love is not just having someone special love has its many ways.

to love and be loved is a feeling everyone of us wants to feel but we should also consider the fact that if we love, it has many consequences ; it may be loving the person at the wrong time or loving the wrong person at the right time. No three words have greater power than I Love You. It can totally change your life in a second. The power of Love is such that no one can be immune from it, no matter how much they protest. So be careful in loving because the one you love has the power to let you feel the sweetest happiness but has utmost power of letting you feel the worst heartache you can’t imagine. Don’t look for love just because it’s lonely to be watching movies alone or because it’s sad to eat meals on your own, because it’s nice to cuddle up with someone on rainy days. Look for it to be accepted, mo matter how sloppy we dress, how clumsy we eat for having bad hair or how you really is. Love is an act to be accepted who you are it is not by doing all the risk to be accepted, you don’ need to change because of love. Remember, when the heart is willing to love, it will find thousand ways but if it’s not it will find thousand excuses.

so me???? I see love when my lola makes coffee for lolo every morning, when my mom wakes up early to cook for our breakfast, when my uncle fetches his pamangkins from school, when my siblings call to check if I’m okay, when people eat lunch together behind the bust schedules, when my cousin kisses the hurting finger of her baby and when goo friends hang-out despite the distance..Now, who said love was just for couples?

maturity...

most of us don’t want to be alone, it is true indeed that no man is an island and that man can’t live life ALONE...but sometimes we have to not because we ran out of companions but because when were alone,realization pops out. thus,by being alone we unconsciously open close doors and sees the invisible.

have you tried being alone? I mean… is there a time in your life that you want to escape friends, reject parties or isolate thyself because of an unknown reason? don't worry... it's normal! because sometimes, psychologically our system needs to reminisce the past, think over the present and be ready for the future…

being alone doesn't mean we don’t have friends to rely on, doesn't have any colleague to have fun with and doesn't have anyone to be it's just that being alone is a compensating factor of our weak system when everything makes commotion. remember that being alone is a choice, yes we choose to be alone.

being along is a part of maturing, not because we don’t want to mingle but we want to be independent enough to face the reality of life… yes, in being alone we gain independence.. the independence we need to survive the world we live in. Remember, we are the only ones who can decide for what’s going to happen with our life.. we need to stop relying to anyone and learn to trust ourselves.. and move on with our life following God’s errands. Because being mature is accepting the fact that no one is there to rescue you, everything you are and everything you have depends only to you..