not anymore

long before when tasked to answer a brief introduction to myself, i would always write these lines : i wished with all my heart to be good.. but i am young and i have passion and i was alone, completely alone when i was finding the good"

truth is am not anymore. last April 20 of year 2010 i was caught up flying on clouds up above. yes, it was the day i found out that i wasn't flying alone anymore. that i don't need to be afraid , that i have someone with me that will surely keep me safe and that i have a place called HOME.

and as i let myself see the changes i chose. it turned out not to be something good but really really great. i literally had my wish granted ( proof that it wasn't bad at all that i had once believed by the magic of the shooting stars). the changes wasn't bad.. it was way different from what am i used to. and honestly, am happy with the changes it brought up. i haven't regretted even a single of it because the changes did not just awakened me from my sleep but also molded my personality holistically.

i have nothing more to ask. he was he best part of me for no one can be as gentle, as caring, as lovable as sweet as HIM ♥ ♥ ♥

whose to blame???

here it goes:

so there was this someone , whom we really don't know, that was texting our friend "Jam" some insults and threats. so as an usual friendship act we checked everyone's phone hoping and praying we would find that stupid person. i was at the girl's CR then when i saw NESSA , i eventually checked her phone and said "do you know this number? "she said "no". and so i added, "can you check up Oliver's phone if he knew whose number is this since ALL WERE PRIME SUSPECTS." and so she said yes..... and bohoh!!!

days have passed and oliver txted me furiously saying i was a dumb-ass and a stupid bitch... that i was betraying him and accusing him that he was that person who was txting Jam......

here we go! ( i only have 5 points to consider)

point #1 : i never doubted Oliver cause if i did... i should have told anyone that he was

point#2: i knew him.. he's never like that

point#3: okay. okay. it was a mistake of asking nessa to check olive's phone . i should have done that myself....

point#4: i have never dropped a name.. and to whomever who dropped it first, maybe it was him or her at the first place....

point#5: i have never doubt their Fidelity they have doubted mine

after all then......

WHOSE TO BLAME????

She Said I Will Be Strong

every day she walks along

laughed at, ridiculed, pointed at

tears always threatened her eyes

but she refused to let them pass

she kept her head held high

as the people still stared

she wouldn't let them know

that she really cared

she could not let them know

how much her heart felt pain

so one day she stepped outside

into the pouring rain

she was sick of it

she had had enough

she couldn't take anymore

she just wasn't that tough

a blade was in her arm

just the usual act

of teenage self harm

when she was done, she went inside

and sat on her soft bed

thoughts of her past haunted her

and filled up in her head

she thought of all the times

she had ever done wrong

and said " i will be strong"

her talking to the reflection

went on for about a year

bu she felt so better

when she assured the girl in the mirror

but one day it was TOO MUCH

so she put on her favorite song

slit her wrists, looked into the mirror

and said " i will be strong"

and then slowly she died

looking into the mirror

wondering to herself

if anyone would care

the note she had written

brought tears to everyones eyes

and they all felt guilty

for not hearing her cries

on this piece of paper

she had told them all her thoughts

of the girl who reassured her

after she had fought

it told about her mirror

and of the girl inside

and how they were alike

because they could not hide

if she would have known

what they felt for her note

sh wouldn't have killed herself

for this is what she wrote

"the people in this world

don't really give a care

and my only friend

is the girl in the mirror

for we are both so tired

because no matter how we tried

we could not be perfect

so together we died

at least we went together

for she was my best friend

we stood by each other

even until the end

she knew how to encourage me

and did it all along

for everyday i heard her

she said " i will be strong"

take a look at your reflections

maybe you can hear

because reflections know your happiness

your sadness and your fear

that is why mines gone

for it was too much to bear

and so she died with me

from feeling my despair

i know my best friend told me

that i would be strong

but it doesn't matter

because we are both gone"

who are you?

you.. yes you.. what's your name again??

have we met before?

because from all the things that you have said

it felt like you have evolved into someone unreal.

ah. yes i do remember

that i had called you friend;

we shared funny moments, we shared nice events.

i do remember too one day

that we were drinking like drunkards

as if we can't be moved, that were friends no matter what.

i remembered too when you cried on me one day

because you heart was broken

wounded and weak

and as a friend i was there..

consoling the lonely heart of yours.

but what have you just said?

i have betrayed you?

or better say it was you at the very first place...

you never left me when i was in gloom

and so am i when you are not in tune

but you have doubted my fidelity

you started talking bad things

you start staining my name

and so who betrayed?

and who was betrayed?

again, you! yes you?

you are guilty beyond reasonable doubt...

before i thought i knew you

but know

come again... who are you????

the continuation....

i inculcated it unto my mind that fairytales aren't true neither is Prince.. but who would expect that an 18 year old girl to find hers? after closing every single possibility of love to come on her way, after burning all thoughts of happy ending and after neglecting the power of Cupid... he came back not with a silver shining volvo bt with that white horse.

i had ate my words when i let him come back and be a part of my life again. .. and yes, there was commotion; friends left me, people judged me and the environment wasn't friendly enough to accept what were they seeing...yet, when two individuals decided to be one in the bond of love no one could tore them apart! yes... when that two individuals decided to walk in that fire bare-foot isn't the sweetest part but that part where despite the pain, the ache , the sorrow... they hold hands and never let go.

and after surpassing that path of fire... what more would we face? mmmmmmm..i don't know for now but i'll write it for the continuation:)

May 2, 2010

9:05am